And we're on Step 5

A month to the day after I started PlayPianoFluently Step 4, I started Step 5.

I think what was holding me in Step 4 for a while was worrying about keeping my fingers' "sense of space" or "proprioception" permanent. That is, as soon as I walked away from the piano and then walked back, my fingers' "sense of space" in the keyboard should have persisted. Also, I think it was wrong to expect to never have to look at the keyboard at all...EVER... and keep the sense of where my fingers were after just walking up to any keyboard. Pretty absurd!

I realized a few days ago that I could keep the sense of where my fingers were, once I orientated myself in front of the keyboard and got an initial key played (like playing "middle C" or something). Then, while I was sitting at the piano, the proprioceptive sense in my fingers would stick (as long as I focused on it).

Letting go of the idea that I had to keep that sense "permanent" (even after walking away) allowed me to finally move beyond Step 4 to the next step.

I'm really enjoying the current step. It has memorization in it (remembering tonal blocks). I have all the tonal blocks from this step memorized already; just need to make them permanent. Also, I haven't started the improvisation portion of step 5... where you improvise over the tonal blocks. 

I'll probably be on step 5 for at least a few weeks. Currently, I don't forsee any roadblocks to mastering the step.

Piano Fluency - Into Step 4!

 My Play Piano Fluently training seems to be going pretty well. I've recently started working on Step 4--Improvising on 3 and 4 Key Blocks.

For a few weeks, I seem to have been stuck on Step 3... but it was because I had not been connecting my conscious awareness of the blue and red groups in the "keyboard map" to the physical keyboard in front of me.

This graphic is finally how I started to see things... while looking straight ahead, I would try to "sense" each of those blue and red group "shapes" and then notice where the fingers I had played in those groups were located. This is how to connect tonality and location.--all much better explained in the materials. 

If I can just keep those shapes "sensed" where the graphic shows them, I'll be able to "map" the groups into my body--as the method explains.

So far, I'm about 7 weeks into the method. Phil Best (the creator of the method) mentions that to get through all 15 steps, it takes (on average) 3 years. If I continue at the same rate, I'll be through the course in 21 more weeks. Of course, that's probably not possible because of two things 1) some steps will be much more involved than the early steps... there's a lot of meat on the bones 2) there will be unforseen breakages and stoppages in my schedule where I will not be able to practice--for perhaps days at a time. 

I hope not. Hope I'm able to finish this method (eventually) and become a fully fluent pianist!

Continuing piano fluency training...

So, the information in Phil Best's Play Piano Fluently method isn't the kind of information that can be absorbed simply by reading or watching. You have to not just read and watch the instructions, but you have to "do the work" as instructed. By "doing the work," I've found that instruction that might "seem" understandable on first blush or listen can actually change in my mind. Something will "click" as the work is being done. This has happened a couple of times since the last blog post. I believe that this "discovery" way of learning is far more effective than trying to nail down an exact meaning by pestering the teacher.

The course is ingeniously laid out in 15 steps, each step building upon previous steps. I'm currently forging ahead to Step 3, and have had a few epiphanies during the past couple of weeks. (If you'd like a summary of the steps, you'll probably need to purchase the course. It's very affordable).

Play Piano Fluently is built upon awareness techniques. For Step 2, I've begun to use "listening awareness"--pretty much a hyper-conscious real-time awareness of what sounds are being made by the keyboard. This allows me to feel the rhythm cells I'm playing and know exactly what they are in terms of musical vocabulary. (For a definition of "rhythm cells," you can peruse Phil's site). Previously, I'd been trying to use a "visual awareness" or some other cue to keep track of the rhythm cells.

The second epiphany just happened yesterday, and I'm even more excited about it... because it opened up Play Piano Fluently's Step 3.

You don't have to learn how to "touch your nose." You should be able to do it without looking. Likewise, if trying to become a fluent pianist, one needs to have a similar relationship with the keyboard. Previously, I had been trying to generate or keep a visual of a small section of the keyboard in my mind's eye and then try to "see" where my playing finger was in that. Too complicated and missed the point. I just needed to realize that the piano keyboard "block of keys" I was concerned with was stationary... in other words... not moving and right in front of me--just like my nose is right where I left it. I was supposed to be able to start anywhere within that particular "block of keys" and know where I was.

Now, the words to get me to practice like that were all available in Phil's course. Everything to get me to think like that and practice like that was there. Only, I interpreted what was written as a sort of need to see something in my mind's eye. Without the "stationary" idea... the idea that the things I'm interacting with are not moving... nothing was "clicking" in my head. Yet, much like the picture of the two silhouettes facing each other that look like a vase when you switch perspectives, I didn't see it that way.

Now that I understand what Phil was getting at, I'm confidently practicing away and feeling that I'm making some really good progress. I don't need to visualize my nose to touch it; I don't need to visualize blocks of keys to play them. I just need to know "where they are" and have my fingers and hands know this as instantly as they know where my nose is. And it's easy--because the keys are right where I left them.

Piano Practice ...

 ... wait... what? 

Wasn't this an art blog? Yeah... but... long story short... I'm one guy, and nobody needs more than one blog. Also suddenly, I have things to write that aren't about art. Here goes.

Early Piano Education

I began piano studies at age 5. A nice lady showed me how to make a fist and "roll" my knuckles along the three black keys on the keyboard. Then, she showed me how to play "Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater" with just the black keys. I may have gotten more out of that than any subsequent piano lesson in my life.

We moved when I was 8 to a rural Pennsylvania town. It was the late 1970s... before the internet and the new information age. I began taking in-person lessons from a very nice older lady at her well-kept home. She was very, very patient and I was supposedly one of the more "gifted" students she had. But, I felt like I struggled despite her very careful attention. She would tap out rhythms with a Bic pen on the opened key lid while I sat next to her and played her piano--from my John Thompsons' books. But my mind would wander... the bland sounds I was making didn't excite me. I was also simultaneously trying to follow her instructions in real time... which made a mess of my playing. Despite this... I still had a deep desire to become a great musician... but had other factors working against me.

The first was that I had no piano at home to practice on. No keyboard, nothing. Occasionally I could steal away after church and try to find a piano in an abandoned room to practice on--if the key lid hadn't been "locked." Or, if my grandma wasn't full of bourbon, I could go to her place, play her piano and listen to her drunkenly correct me from the other room.

So, my only hope to make my sweet piano teacher lady happy was to somehow magically perform the pieces on her piano as if I had already practiced. This went on for about 6 years. Despite the difficulty, I did manage to take "exams" as it were on the piano from the National Piano Playing Auditions guild. I don't remember any of those exams... but I must've done it about two or three times. I have no idea how my teacher actually felt about my playing. I guess I stopped the lessons around age 14. I didn't make it very far into the John Thompson's Book 3.... though she supplemented my materials over the years with books like "Tunes You Like" and others.

Becoming a musician--almost

I've tried (over the years) to create music, with varying degrees of success. With my basic understanding of tones and rhythms given me on the piano, I could piece together songs on guitar/keyboard and even use some drum machines for a beat. I did this for about a decade and a half starting in the mid 1990s--during the grunge rock craze. During this time, I sought out more information about recording and not music making itself... and found a vast community of musical "friends" that I'm still friends with today.

Needless to say, my music hasn't become "famous." The work that people like the best is probably this video I made four Christmases ago. But, it didn't go viral. It wasn't the internet sensation I ostentatiously hoped it might be.

Becoming a "fluent" musician?

Fast forward to today. The pandemic is dragging everyone's heart on the ground. Stress is everywhere. Internally, I've been a tightly-focused ball of thorns and spikes. Creativity is stopped almost completely... it's hard to want to create when your focus is on survival and on the rank stupidity of the elected leaders.

But, I recently decided that I resent having my life guided by fear and that I'd like to become that musician I always wanted to be... while sitting on my piano teacher's bench and clumsily hammering out some woeful Mozart approximation. I felt the need to "re-learn" the piano.

I did an internet search for "pattern-based piano learning" or something. Maybe it was "non-traditional piano method." I don't know. But it led me the comments on a YouTube video. In those, someone mentioned a method championed by a guy named Phil Best called Play Piano Fluently. (It wasn't one of Phil's own YouTube videos, actually...)

I checked out the page, and it seemed like what I'd been looking for for decades. I wondered to myself if I could follow his method. So I purchased materials and started roughly three weeks ago. And the reason I decided to post something today is that I think I've figured something out within the method, and I'm excited to write it down.

"INTENTION" is the key

Here are the raw thoughts I've had about the method. You may want to reference Phil's site to get some context:

(when practicing) ... if you don't feel the key(s) you are playing, it will come off as artificial. It's like the teacher's pet giving the pat answer to a well-known question. There's no internal emotional source or response. There's no emotional statement. Why make your fingers "say" things they don't mean? If you play something disconnected from feeling, it will not work... and trying to keep track of what you're saying will be impossible. It would be like blurting out a barrage of nonsense words and trying to make sense of them as you go. If, however, you intend a "word" of meaning... a single note in a block... with a particular rhythm... then it will be almost trivial to keep track of "what was said" and "what could be said next."

(intend every note!)

So even when doing little practices... every key pressed should be intended. It should connect with something inside. It should be motivated from your embodied feelings--because the body will keep the feeling there... it can't be forgotten in the moment. If, on the other hand, you were reciting a poem in a different language (without even knowing what it meant)... then there is no embodied feeling and nothing will work. There is no connection, which means that concentrating on rhythm and tone will be much, much more difficult.

(use whatever feeling you are having RIGHT NOW)

I've noticed that I might feel hungry... or sleepy... or weary... or bored... sometimes when sitting down to practice. Instead of being annoyed at my body's refusal to be happy and eager, I use those feelings and play each note "from those feelings" as they almost "erupt" from me. This seems to be very effective. I might just be writing hundreds of little songs about being hungry or tired every day--just while practicing!

Strangely enough, in those times, my focus seems to be much better than when I'm just attempting "steps"--when my practice is perfunctory. Everything seems to slide into place and I feel "at home." Practice in this way is more effortless, and I feel like I can "build" on the sensations

and experience that I'm having. My confidence grows--which motivates further practice.

All of this comes from true intention. None of it is "faked" and none of the "results" are presented to the teacher for a grade or mark. I know that the feelings I was having in the moment of practice were genuine. If all I do is translate that to the keyboard--put down rhythms that reflect those feelings (as well as tones)--then I am fluent. I can see how all of this fits together. It is brilliant.

I ask myself as I sit down to practice, "How am I feeling?" If I instantly know the answer, then I don't try to mask the feeling. I "feel" that way and from there I allow my hands to respond. If I don't know how I am feeling, why wouldn't I keep that question itself as the way I was feeling? I can embody the sense of "not knowing" and play from that. Even if I'm feeling "blank," I can use that. Or perhaps I could read a story that caused thoughts or feelings before I practice. All I must do, then, is feel. Then I create a conduit from those feelings to my hands. And things are starting to work.

Let's keep this going!

I'm just starting out... and perhaps these baby steps aren't exciting. But it feels good to me. I feel momentum.

I'm ever hopeful that this time (following the method as far as it takes me) I can come to be able to express my exact feelings and thoughts via the piano. So many false starts; so many botched methods and attempts. Confusion, and ever increasing complexity from the YouTube community surrounding piano "methods." Chord shapes; dozens of scales; none of it seemed to touch me. This is starting to do so. I'm 53 years old now. I hope to internalize this method before I die. I'm hoping that with a newly articulate voice I can help forestall what looks like the fall of Western democracy... or at least, to be able to tell my lady just how much I love her.

Chad

Time to Dominate

Switching my forum of choice to Tumblr, as it's easier to create a sketchbook type blog there.

basicallyawesometoons.tumblr.com

Lifelong pursuit of hot lines will continue there!

Lamenting...

...the loss of ConceptArt.org.

Gone are the days when you could go by the sketchbook forum and see the 75 threads on page one get turned over in 15 minutes. Gone are the days when you could see dozens of industry professionals rubbing elbows with (and sometimes helping) the n00bs among us.

For whatever reason, the powers that be over there decided they needed a design overhaul. They wanted (apparently) something that looked good on iPads.

So for approximately the last 18 months or so, that site has been through about a half dozen revisions... some of them very jarring and habit-breaking. (I hadn't been to the site in nearly a year because of all the upheaval). I'm guessing many other artists have left the site for similar reasons.

Recently I went back to kind of see what was up with the forum, and saw a sad shell of what remained of CA's previous glory.

I made a post lamenting the loss of the virtual art community in the open discussion forum, and started to get a little feedback from people who remained. Yet... apparently that post offended one of the higher ups, so it was summarily deleted.

I happened to capture the post from Google's cache after it was deleted. Here's what I wrote that was deleted:

ConceptArt.org has been an amazing place to visit and be a part of over the years. Members who have been here few years will remember just how vibrant a community it was for the longest time.

So many professionals and dedicated students sharing their work here seemed to overwhelm the site--the sketchbook forum alone getting enough posts to completely 'turn it over' in a matter of minutes. This was fantastic! In short, it was the people more than the format that made this a great site.

In contrast, we have deviantArt... which seems so much less personal. It seems too big for a community to form around a group of professionals and dedicated students like we used to have here.

If you post something on dA, your work must be good enough to capture the attention of people immediately and it must be tagged correctly, or it will quickly get lost.

Posting on dA is also more piece-centric, meaning that you post one piece at a time and your work is aggregated in a gallery instead of something like a sketchbook... which provides a nice chronology and conversation along with it.

Hopefully this post doesn't come off as a bemoaning of CA.org because the tradition of this site is something to be greatly respected.

However, as an artist I feel a lot more disconnected from the "community". At this point, I'm still interested in getting my work out there and hearing back from the community as well as seeing what's new out there from the greats as well as the hard working, dedicated student. It's not so much about critique as it is about the interaction with people who are 'doing it'. For others, I'm sure more critique would be welcome too.

Granted, it seems CA.org still has a community but whereas the activity here used to be a raging river it sadly appears to have become a trickle.

It seems unreasonable to me that such a beautiful community could have simply dried up and gone nowhere; has everyone gone on to something else? Is Behance the new/old CA.org? If there are other options out there, what are they?

Let me know your thoughts.

I went back to look at what remains of the once vibrant sketchbook group tonight... and it was a sad story. The thread bottom of the page was 18 hrs old... again, it used to "flip over" in about 15 minutes back in the hey day.

Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what the overall "level" of the artists were.

A quick "polling" of the data showed:

57 artists of amateur level
17 artists of intermediate level
1 artist of professional level (snatti)

This in stark contrast to what one might have seen even in 2010... where those numbers might have been flipped around a bit: 57 professionals, 14-5 intermediates, and 2 or 3 amateurs.

ConceptArt, I think, has changed visually too much for its own good. Why break what wasn't broken? The visual "upgrades" did really nothing to help the community... all we have as a result is a fraction of the community, which is mostly made up of amateurs now.

I long for the days of a good, solid artists community made up of people who were both skilled and hard working. Perhaps such communities (online) are gone forever.

RIP ConceptArt.org.

Portfolio

BTW.... my portfolio is now online

http://chadlehman.wix.com/portfolio

Character design

Stephen Silver's character design course is very good.

Did I improve from week 1 to week 9?

It was a nice thought but...

Post removed. Have a nice day.

Art can punch you in the heart

It's just that powerful.

Art is something you can dedicate your life to, much like a person might dedicate his or her life to family or to one particular person. Anyone who has lived in that type of situation knows the risks they run letting something (or someone or someones) dominate their time and thoughts.

Much as people can be bastards and ungrateful and spiteful... art can do the same. You might be lovingly dedicating hours, days, and weeks to the craft and art can in one fell swoop get up off its apathetic backside, stare you straight in the eyes, and tell you how worthless you are.

Art has this power to really hurt you; the crazy thing is that since we love it so much, we're powerless to hurt it back. We're just left in the aftermath of its spiteful attack to pick up our shattered egos.

The only thing that can get you through a time like this is a belief... something that exists outside of art and in your brain in a little black box (much like the airplane black box) that art can't touch. It's fireproof; it's water proof; it's earthquake proof; it's ego-shattering frank reality proof. Inside the black box is the little seed of a belief in yourself that you must have if you're the type of person who will become an artist.

Frustrating as it is, we can't really see the milestones in the pathway ahead ... "how long before I'm decent?" "When will I be able to do 'x'?" and art will sometimes do its best to cloud your vision even further and make you think that you've been wasting your time and going the wrong direction. Best to continue believing in yourself, and find mentors to guide you along the way.

Hope everyone's artful journey isn't met with such nasty things on a daily basis; even with a strong belief in yourself, it does hurt to get punched in the heart.

Preston Blair, and proper study

Heidi Ho,

Another rendition of talking to myself... publicly.

On the recommendation of John K... creator of Ren & Stimpy, I'm studying Preston Blair's "Animation: Learn To Draw Animated Cartoons" because I want to be an animator. After going to Barnstone Studios and learning the classic approach to fine art, I've found that although there is crossover between the two disciplines... they're not the same.

What is "studying?"

By "studying," I mean putting my brain to work solving problems.

How many of you had a math(s) book that had homework answers in the back?

How many of you copied those answers into your homework without going through the problems? The same people then failed the test :-)

I did it, too. But copying the answers to math(s) problems isn't going to get you good at math(s), is it?

So, why do art students think copying from a photo or a book is going to get them good at drawing? Doing that removes your mind from the problem. 

If you copied the answer to the math(s) problem above 100 times, would it teach you much about math(s)? No; you might remember that particular answer. So, should you copy all math problems until you remember all the answers? Of course not.

It's the same with drawing. 

Copying drawings teaches nothing. Copying many drawings is like copying answers to many math problems. There's no learning unless your mind is engaged.

I can copy drawings with the best of them. Here are some copies I did from the Van der Poel figure drawing book a while back:

To learn how to do math(s) problems, or draw, or do anything, you have to struggle with problems. You have to work them out in your mind... otherwise you will learn nothing. 

To know how to do a type of math(s) problem, you must do several of those problems over and over until you understand. To know how to draw, you need to work on good drawing problems.

Problems with Preston Blair study

Shifting to drawing again... from what I've seen, many art students study art books the wrong way. They see a problem next to the solution, and they skip the problem and go straight to the answer.

An example of problem (left) and solution (right) from Preston Blair:

In some people's Preston Blair studies I've found on the internet... they ignore the drawing on the left (the construction) and they copy the drawing on the right (the answer). That's just copying the answer--it's not studying anything.

Maybe this is why we struggle trying to learn from these books, and then put them aside and buy more books... hoping to learn in some way other than working with our minds.

How to Study Preston Blair's book

Now this is just my opinion (and I could be way off), but this is how I think the Blair book should be used.

To do a problem, you need some information. You need to know how to work it. You need the formula. So, for the Preston Blair egg... you need the formula. And here it is:

Follow Preston's instructions. Indeed, if you use this as your formula, and then turn the egg in several different positions... your mind will be taxed. THIS is what teaches the Preston Blair material.

So here's how to use the examples. Ignore the solution to begin with, and concentrate on the construction.

Now, using the formula from above, try to imagine drawing on the curved surface of an egg... drawing in the features you see in the formula... in perspective. (It is HARD!)

Here's my work, compared to the original. This is NOT a copy. I'm working out the problem in my mind:

 It isn't very accurate... the way my Van Der Poel copies were. It could have been more accurate had I chose to copy. But copying the answer isn't the way to learn.

So, I will study the differences between mine and the original... and study the formula drawing again (if needed). And then I will try again.

The Key to Art Book study

I had to purposefully IGNORE the solution drawing. Using only the formula and the construction drawings, I had to do the rest in my head. That's how to study the book, I believe.

You can do this with any of the good drawing books... especially Bridgman's books and Loomis' books--even anatomy books. Separate the diagrams that explain things from the example drawings. And forget copying.

Good examples of Preston Blair homework!

I did find some really, really good examples of the Preston Blair studies at ConceptArt from a guy named "Immortal Cintiq". Here's a link to his wonderful drawings:

http://www.conceptart.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=1506475&stc=1&d=1340588020

Here's his thread on ConceptArt.org:

http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=229511&p=3265577#post3265577

Additional Notes

When you're doing the Preston Blair construction studies, make your templates count! Don't do lazy spheres or egg shapes. Slow down, and get very accurate with your shapes... as much as you can. 

Make the cross-contour lines (the slices... or the dotted lines you see on Preston's finished egg examples) look like you could cut them with a knife straight through and it would show a perfectly flat cut.

Really concentrate on getting those shapes right.

Caveats (Preston Blair)

Be careful, as the templates don't always match the solution. In fact, many times it's off:

My Preston Blair work

So it's put up or shut up time. A page from today's work. I hope to keep you updated on how I'm doing on this.... maybe in 6 months these things will look dazzling:

Drawing with graphite to kill two birds with one stone... I want to get cleaner pencil work... as well as learn the Preston Blair material. 

If I get a drawing I don't like, I immediately redo it. A check by a drawing means I learned something from it. Each of these takes probably 10 minutes. I expect that to speed up at some point.

I'm not going to move off page 1 until I own the egg and rodent egg exercises. I've been studying this one page for two weeks.

Sample of Blair's Book

Thought I would include this just to show you what's actually in the book. It's copyrighted I'm sure... but it's a fairly cheap book you can buy almost anywhere:

Sayonara

All right guys, thanks for the read!

Until next time!

Think

Do not resist. Think.

Resistance to thinking has been the problem.

About a year and a half ago, there was a rude person running a Wednesday night model drawing session that excluded me from some advanced drawing classes she had arranged because she thought I wouldn't benefit from them.  She also excluded one other person, who (to put it frankly) couldn't draw a dot with a well sharpened crayon. So I was lumped into the "feeble skill" category by this woman.

It offended me greatly, and it pushed me away from going to all life drawing sessions at the time. Plus, my weekly "quick sketch" short pose session ended abruptly. So I was left without any weekly figure drawing practice.

All of that negative activity took me away from drawing; but that's not what I want to talk about.

I've been trying to get back. And you know what I do? Maybe you do it too. My confused method of getting back to drawing:

• Review all my old work. 
• Look at art that I've always admired. 
• Comment in sketchbook threads on CA.org. 
• Look at all my art instruction materials (vids, books, etc). 
• Contact my old art teacher. 

None of it has gotten my butt moving. I feel the pin prick of motivation in my butt because there are still awesome ideas that I want to draw. But, I haven't gotten moving.

Why?

It's not what the book Art & Fear talks about. The answer struck me last night; my mind simply doesn't want to think.

Now, thinking is critical when building the skills necessary to draw well. Once those skills are in hand, it may seem like no thinking is required because the trained artist works very quickly. This is why several dimmer bulbs out there (the blind leading the blind) will advise a person to "stop thinking and just draw."

WRONG. 

...(as my art teacher would say in his deep voice, with a wry grin)

I've got to remember to love thinking about this stuff. After all, Leonardo DaVinci, Michelangelo, and some of the greatest minds in history were fascinated by the problems that good drawing presented. They diagrammed things. They took things apart. Then they tested their theories by actually doing paintings and drawings. They had to think to solve drawing problems. This is how they got to be masters.

Point is, thinking connects desire with actual creation. It is the bridge that all artists constantly cross. And crossing a bridge literally requires you to get off your ass.

When it's time to draw, as easy as it is to sit on my ass and look at another instructional video by Proko, I must force myself away from that passive act and go to my studio and THINK. Until I start to work out the drawing problems on my own, I will not progress.

Think, dammit. And either learn to love the thinking, or learn to suffer through it.

Creativity is a responsibility

"Creativity is a responsibility"... a phrase I saw on one of those "inspirational" videos.

I'm realizing that whatever it is I exist on this planet for... the expression of story, understanding, emotion, wisdom... hell... the expression of my personal truth... is becoming hidden, obscured, belittled, and made of lesser and lesser consequence by the vagaries of life and the crass information overload offered by the internet. Millions of shouting voices, saying nothing, and I'm down here under their armpits trying to squeeze my mouth upward to shout, too.

If I have something to say--in art, or in life--I haven't been saying it. The message is getting more and more buried. It's being made less and less important. It is becoming more and more unlikely that any message I have to express... any important thing I have to share in my life... will ever be expressed to those who need to receive it.

If I'm basing my life on this one tiny multi-faceted diamond of truth... and the ability to share it... it's not working.

I have to fight, and claw, and scratch, and yell, and get angry and throw things and battle and mightily struggle... just to share this tiny kernel of gold. The sea of the world's mediocre dreams are rife with duller goals and mediocre waves splashing indifferent seawater, and it's drowning me and my bright little idea.

I know, god damn it, it my heart that there's something important for me to say... but I'm getting angry over the fact that the 'early returns' or 'early projections' for me to ever be able to exquisitely and precisely share my message are low.

I have a unique personal viewpoint that on very few occasions I have successfully been able to put over in my work. But very few. And the audience has always been very small. Attention spans are short... and by God... there are millions and millions of boring voices out there blabbering away with careless pixels and thoughtless paint, telling stories of incredibly banal nonsense. These serve only to dull the senses of potential audiences to any real good work coming from unknown artists.

I can't blame any potential audience for tuning me out, as if my message weren't just simply more blabbering pixels or unintelligible Photoshoppery. But if I don't bust my freakin' ass to get this message of mine out, I will have lived life in vain.

I have to try, God dammit. I have to try and articulate my message much better. And then, I have to unleash the message with such a force that it would knock a good thousand people right over. I have to get to that point. I have to learn how. Because I know there's good stuff inside of there... in that very center of my mind and heart. There's something really awesome is in there, and I need to express it.

I'll either do it or die trying. And it better not take me 50 more years to try.

------

Modus Operandi

Maybe this will inspire you to organize your drawing work and approach to study. Thought I'd post this, though, to commit myself to it and to have it as a constant reminder.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"COOL PIC" == Something I like that is also challenging. There must be some drawing problems to solve.

DRAWING CHALLENGES  (hard drawing problems)

• Compositions with many characters, each in compelling action/storytelling poses. The poses and characters should be related to one another
• Working out all panels on a comic book page in less than a frickin year/month/week (too slow!)
• Shapes (of bodies, etc) need to read in all cases
• Mens wing tip type shoes (w/the soles) from all angles
• When there is free time, get to work!

To COMBAT PROCRASTINATION, I...

• Open an unfinished work and start tweaking it or trying to finish it. There's less of a drawing challenge here. This forces me to keep working. Possibly I'll get inspired to work on more things
• Decide what I am putting off and why. If there's a reason, write it down in the DRAWING CHALLENGES list
• Doodle with 3D/depth in mind. Don't just scribble.
• Tumbling box exercise
• Spiraling circle exercise
• Do sphere gestures in charcoal (real media)

GET IN THE HABIT OF...

• Loomis/Bridgman/Mattesi/Hampton   (2 solid studies a day... morning? If not, then evening! Fill a page!)
• Master Studies (from Disney or personal contour) (1 a day)
• Having 2 to 3 "cool" pics in the pipeline, but not many more! If you have 4 or more, finish at least one.
• Animating something at least three-times a week (every other day). Build up to every day.
• Sketching people (when there's an opportunity)
• Posing a character. Do a full turn-around.
• For every study you do, starting a new "cool" pic and get it as completed as you can the first night
• Posting to CA.org and CGS/Chang for feedback and crit if possible

FOR THE GOALS...

• Portfolio full of product parodies
• Quickly/successfully put out pages for my series B****B***.
• Fulfill old goal of becoming SW****** and ...
• Be able to animate something in a reasonable amount of time
• Work on my Tom & Jerry animated parody
• Work on my ultra parody of ________
• Swiftly and successfully pull off the tutorials for the FIS and other sections
• Support people in FIS and other sections.
• Quickly do new FIS work
• Redo all my good ideas from the past and make them much more successful

Work on hard drawing problems daily!

Push yourself to GET COOL, CHALLENGING STUFF DONE!

  

Cookin' now

Good, solid work is coming. Getting the taste for this back in my mouth. Stay tuned.

Oh, and I ordered one of these, too.

Transition to "Dedication" from "Motivation"

Have been working off and on doing drawing and design; not a lot of time right now. Understanding more about dedication and hard work.

It's those two things that push you through the anxiety of procrastination. You're a motivated artist if you feel that angst; if you know you want to be drawing something, but somehow can't. But, motivation alone isn't enough. Just that kick in the butt with no additional effort will lead to nothing except a sore ass.

You may be motivated to draw something, but fear that you can't draw it. You know what? You're absolutely right that you can't draw it! (YET) So grind through it. Figure it out. Be willing to suffer a bit (or a lot) and see where you can get. The word for that is "Dedication".

You're definitely going to have to spend the time getting over these obstacles; these difficult drawing problems. But the good news is that the more you do that, the better you get and the quicker the understanding comes. That's what I'm experiencing.

Just have to do it.

And, you have to plan it. Know what it is you want to create. Plan it out.

Then you'll know just what you're sacrificing when you start to procrastinate or waste time.


Peace,
C.

Voice

Have been studying the work of some really good digital artists. I've been analyzing the physical aspects of the work (composition/layout/shapes/relationships/unity/etc) and I'm getting somewhere; I'm learning.

In the past, other people haven't really "gotten" my finished pieces. My message wasn't understood; I got very little feedback. I'd always assumed something was wrong with my technique. Contrasting that with the same group's enthusiastic support of other artists, who didn't have great technique, I begin to understand something about artistic voice.

Again in contrast, there are some artists who really have amazing technique... they blow me out of the water. One guy in particular is very prolific; but he draws the same subject every time. I've seen thousands of  his finished pieces. Technical masterpieces, but the message is crass and unnecessary. Other people respond to his work the same way... either by ignoring it, or by half-assedly acknowledging it.

The inescapable conclusion is that while technique can add tremendous power to your artistic message, it can't take the place of it. You don't want to compromise your artistic voice and draw a bunch of stuff you know will be popular. However, you do need to find a clear way to communicate that people will identify with. You do need an audience for your work.

You can work in obscurity and amass a ton of work, ignoring the need for audience. The risk is that you won't be discovered or appreciated in your lifetime.

But; there are ways to become understood, I believe. If your mind is way different than that of the average person, you can lead them toward understanding with storytelling... comics, serials, even screenplays. First, you do need to understand that your mind is different from that of your audience. Then, you need to transport this audience from point A, where they're at, to point Z... where your mind is. Only then will they begin to understand your message.

If you really believe strongly in your message, it may be the only way you have to get people on board with your ideas. You may need to tell them stories to move their minds. THEN the one-off pieces you do.... the still lifes, the pinups, the portraits.... then they will begin to make sense to the average viewer. Then you have a chance to have an audience who appreciates your work, your voice, and you as an artist.

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On the drawing front, I am doing more... just nothing I can post here or on CA. Soon I hope to begin producing some stuff to share there and here.

Objectivity & Thanks

My thanks on this day: I'm thankful that I still have an arm to draw with, a heart to dream with, and a mind to believe with.

These tools will be necessary when I finally pull myself together again. I'm in the down cycle of art study/creation that everyone seems to go through.

I've lost objectivity about my work. I can't tell how much I suck, and I fail to appreciate apparent greatness at the same time. It may be Dunning-Kruger; it may be apathy. I haven't drawn a thing in almost two weeks.

There's nothing like master studies to re-adjust one's suck-o-meter. Maybe that's the key. I'm feeling kind of distant from my dreams. Once I've found the spark, I'll return and write my understandings about it.

Peace and happy holidays.

The "WHY" of Art

Here's a copy of something I posed to an instructor on a private workshop over at CGHub... it's how I've been feeling about art recently. I think I have a way forward now... cautiously optimistic...

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It seems the "workout/regimen" paradigm is alive and well among people learning art all over the internet. Recently, there's been something called a Deathline Challenge issued by a couple of members of ConceptArt.org... three very difficult and challenging one-year goals that you set for yourself.

I set some really high one year goals.... and broke them down by month, and then by week. I have several types of studies listed... and I have a weekly quota of "studies" to complete to take me where I want to go.

I started on this, but found that though I was really enjoying the work, I was taking too long and the quotas weren't getting filled.

So I decided to take a step back from all of this and think harder about the "why" of art. Why do it?

Studies are hard. Often, they're a mixture of hard and boring. Getting better is a nice feeling. But if you step back from art (like I have) and see what you've done in the past few months, will you like what you see?

I've been doing serious studies again since June of this year... and looking at my work, you see a mountain of studies yet very little work that I'm too proud of.

Why do I do art? Why do I care?

It's the love, like we've decided, right?

So why am I not drawing things I love--all the time?

This is the realization I've made--the cart is before the horse. Instead of thinking about study first, drawing  second... it should be the other way around. This means that my studies work for my imagination drawings, not the other way around.

An analogy would be working out in a gym versus playing your favorite sport. If you love soccer, and you go to the gym every day for 6 hours breaking every single muscle tissue down to try and get "huge"... when are you playing soccer?

Besides, do you really need to build huge biceps to play soccer? Do I need to know the intricacies of drawing eyelashes if all I'm ever going to do is paint impressionist paintings? (Maybe at some point the study would help..)

But maybe you can see my point of view here.

I can definitely see the logic in busting my backside becoming as "huge" as possible like some Arnold Schwarzenegger of art skills; but it wouldn't help my "soccer" skills.

I'm not aiming for a job as a concept artist. I think I'd like to do some humor-based graphic novels, and I would love to animate on a future 2D Disney movie. That's where I want to be.

Learning the figure is key; but if I don't draw figures from imagination, I'm not making mistakes... I'm not doing the "love" part, I'm not playing the sport. I'm sitting in a sweaty gym, smelling all of the dank air and not playing "soccer".

I do think studies (at least for me) have a very important role; but they should be specific to the problems manifested in the art that I'm doing in the moment... training an art skill in something I'm not working on is like getting huge biceps when training for soccer.

I'm not totally settled on this idea; but I think it provides me a way forward from here. It doesn't mean I'll be lazy; in fact, it means I'll get excited about drawing again and I'll do a lot more of it... like playing soccer, I'll fail a lot more, I'll lose the game a lot more, I'll fall on my face in the mud. But I'll take criticisms and work on my game when I'm not in there playing it.

Brain

Brain? Brain brain brain.

Do I have ideas? Has the brain lost the battle? Have I lost all coherency?

Have a think about this; in the "quest" to get a grasp on drawing, do we forget why? Why am I drawing? Why am I desperate to get better? To what end? Millions of dollars? Adoring fans? Sex by the mile? (A mile being a unit of length or distance, a distance of travel, I'm male, figure out the rest yourself... it's naughty)

Seriously. Why art? Why draw? Why broken ass, splintered fingers, spent money, wasted days, leaked fluids, dropped appointments, lost wages, feelings trampled, family ignored, people unconsidered, tasks undone, laundry unattended, trash unemptied?

Why? Why all of this effort and attention? Am I trying to fit a profile? Am I trying to be in a scene? Does the socialization have anything to do with it? If I couldn't post a thing, would I ever draw anything ever again?

Ultimately, I think the answer lies in that direction. Drawing is a communication. It's a form of communication meant to be used by those who have trouble communicating. There must be unspoken thoughts, undreamt demons, unexpressed heart-truths. These things have a way of itching through your skin from the inside, demanding a way out. And when they come out, they're often unrefined and rarely understood by anyone other than the source... than the one with all the trouble communicating.

I can't write well; and when I do, people don't care (as mentioned in my first blog post). They shouldn't have to.

I can't speak too well, and prefer not to. When speaking, I generally speak too much of myself... losing people's interest. I can keep their interest speaking only about them, but then the inner itchings continue unscratched.

Maybe it would be all the better if at the end of life I fade to dust, the clouds roll on for eons, the earth freezes, all sorts of atmospheric effects buffet and thoroughly bury any speck of remembrance of my essence. Maybe.

These things that want out of me aren't self concerned; they're loving, they want to embrace other people. Otherwise I might agree that I could just disappear and save the world my labored efforts at communication.

Drawing has always seemed like the best way to get to where I might have a chance at redeeming myself, and giving back to humanity. Something inside me urges me that way. My own shortcomings and brain brain brain are at odds with this, very often.

I have to find the path away from the malaise, and toward this eventual ability to give voice to the itchies.... because they're meant for the world--they love the world--they're not meant for my insides.

Bloody Stumps!

It's interesting just how much philosophy you can pick up when learning how to draw. The old masters certainly jotted down their philosophies and learning. Leonardo wrote down a great deal; Durer drew buckets of diagrams.

We have so much information on drawing technique, yet for each of us to actually make sense of and use this visual language, we must gain an individual grasp of the subjects of study. In other words, until a baby starts to mimic speech, and then speak with its own voice, it won't learn how.

We can read the books, blogs, and internet posts. We can watch all the Gnomon videos in the world. We can go to every atelier in the world and learn from the best teachers in the world. Yet without the singular experience of walking the path, there will always be some un-grasped concept in our understanding that can only be filled by the actual act of drawing.


This is just a side observation about the need to keep blogging every time I seem to have "solved art." I keep making discoveries as I go, and now I understand that that will continue as long as I keep drawing... forever.

So, even though we have zillions of bytes and books and neurons and megapixels of knowledge about art floating out there just within our reach, and even if we can consume and digest it ALL--each of us will always have to make new discoveries about how to draw from our own individual perspective... or we won't advance.

Now the main point:

Bloody Stumps.

Ever get bored with your work? Ever get anxious--wishing you could just sit down and draw, but the thought of it makes you nervous? Ever think that you'd much rather go watch a movie than sit down and do another study?

The reason is that your sub conscious mind hates to fail. It hates to lose, and it senses some "losing" coming along in your drawing life.

Your sub conscious mind seems very attuned to your drawing proficiency and weakness, and when your work starts to curtail in improvement, your sub conscious mind starts to sneak tiny bits of self doubt, little slices of procrastination, and small chunks of anxiety into your thoughts.

Very soon, you find yourself in the highly uncomfortable state of high anxiety about your progress. It becomes very stressful to think about how you're not improving your drawing ability, yet the very thing that gives improvement is the last thing you want to do.

Bloody stumps are the answer.

People preach this in a different ways all over the internet,though it's usually said something like:

Failure is good.

Van Gogh once said that learning to paint is like fighting your way through an invisible iron wall. I've always liked that analogy; but my wall is a 50 ft. marble wall, and every time I manage to scale it... another one awaits. Usually, there's a trail of blood from the top of the wall, down a short valley, right up to the next wall.

So you see what I'm saying, right? Once I've consciously recognized that my sub conscious mind is sabotaging me because it hates to fail... I can switch directions and go right back toward that marble wall, fingernails flexed, to climb that damn thing until I've got bloody stumps for fingers.

Bloody stumps.

So it's this: don't let your subconscious mind move you away from drawing and make you anxious. Instead, as soon as you start to feel this way, recognize that you're about ready to fail at drawing, but that it's a good thing. The only rule is to fail with a purpose; don't be half-assed. Fail only while trying to succeed. If you're conscious about trying to succeed when doing the "fail" drawings, eventually you will succeed.

Eventually, those bloody stumps will somehow stick to the wall, and you'll be able to pull yourself up over the top and jump into the air and kick your sub conscious mind in the butt.